Page 84

I talked to someone Sunday and explained how if you count up the total of things in my life I want most I currently have, the sum (by world’s standards) should be depressing, but as I follow the Lord, get settled in him and trust, I am more deeply satisfied now in my life than I ever have been.

While I am humbled and blessed at the hands of God in my life filling those desires of my heart, it doesn't mean it is easy or that doubt doesn't come. It does mean that when the doubt comes, my God comes with a vengeance, passion, and fierce devotion – like a thief in the night- to steal my attention back to him and sustain me.

Here is my example: I found it on page 84.

A couple of my desires, I believe are wrapped up in one. I would like someone to share my life with and come home to….this slightly implies I would also have a home where I enjoy having it.

There is someone where I am now, that I see only every so often when our paths cross through mutual assignments. This person is smart, funny, hard working, has an admirable passion, strong, and very easy to look at. I have to be truthful and admit that there has been flirting between the two of us when we do see each other.  However, I know full well that I would have to compromise the most important things to me for that life. We do not have the same beliefs and I know that I am called to a different life. For a moment though I thought through the option. How nice it would be to have that person to come home to, someone who understood my life on this side of the river, someone who would fight for me and defend me, someone who would be my champion. For a split second I thought about if I could give up all the things important to me, my values, to have those things I want now. This is my confession.

Then I opened a book I had been reading but got interrupted several weeks ago. I opened to page 84 where I read about all these examples in the bible about people who acted on impulse and satisfied the immediate at the cost of the long term blessing God had been so diligently placing in their life. I will not be David in loneliness, I will not be Sarah, I will not be Esau.  I will not be Eve and take the fruit placed in front of me. Instead I look over the waves and keep my eyes on Jesus. I remain settled in him and trust his handcrafted restoration of my heart, my worshiper’s heart is the amazing perfect precious gift God calls it for his perfect Son. He will place me in the hands of his son one day. We will be iron sharpening iron as we celebrate our calling here on earth racing towards the arms and image of Christ together.

It is worth it. I will not be taken by temptation. He has overcome the World!